I always felt safe. But over time „safe“ didn’t serve me anymore. Safe became imprisonment. I was acutally empty. You know that feeling when people constantly ask you questions and want something from you, but your mind is just completely blank and you just don’t know what to say and just don’t care about anything. What sucks worse than heartbreak? – Feeling nothing, definitely. I was lost and had no clue how to get back home.
Where was „home“ actually? I began to ask myself this question a hundred times. I knew the journey from where I was back to my home was going to be a scary, uncertain one; but at some point I had no choice. I couldn’t live separate from myself anymore, so I decided to start walking without any idea where I was going.
I made mistakes after mistakes, and I still am making them. But those mistakes got me in the exact direction where I was meant to go. I don’t regret any of it, because all of the wrong choices led me to the right place where I am supposed to be right now at this moment.
Finding yourself is not a comfortable process, nor should it be. I’m not saying I already found my inner self and everything is done, but I can say I’m on the right direction and through every experience I get to know myself better and better. Discovering and unraveling it is a life-long process.
This period of confusion is about questioning everything. When you start asking the questions, you will find the answers. My answers might not always have been the answers I wanted, but they were always the answers I needed.
I think the most important thing is to find purpose. Get uncomfortable, get scared, become a beginner again. If you think you know everything, find something you know nothing about, and learn it well. Watch how you respond and react. You will learn something new about yourself; not only about your character, but what turns on your light. Once you’ve found something that turns on your light, you’ve found purpose. :)
Enough bla bla, what do you think about my outfit? And before I forget, shoutout to the guy who owns this Vespa. Thanks to whoever for providing great scenery in this photograph :p
Shoes Chiara Ferragni